Christian Hemschemeier
Graduated psychologist, couples therapist, YouTuber and book author
"It's basically like an alcoholic: If you've had a real toxic relationship, you're lifelong taboo."
Christian, what helps with toxic lovesickness?
I always say: In the first few weeks, anything that distracts is allowed. Stuff yourselves with films, with series or with chocolate. No matter, the main thing is to tip something into the brain. Many think that under no circumstances should one suppress feelings, but should process them through reflection. But that doesn't work with toxic lovesickness because it's an addiction. In fact, it's best to think about the ex as little as possible. You really have to pack everything away, photos, memories - everything in one box, at least a year and a half! I have x-clients who keep looking at WhatsApp photos or calling up the ex's profile on Facebook. They never get away, they have been lovesick for years. If you don't consistently avoid all contact, it can last a lifetime.
You have to be clear: that wasn't normal love, that was an addiction. That's why you have to stay abstinent. This person is no longer there, done. It's basically like an alcoholic: if you've had a real toxic relationship, you're lifelong taboo. As a couple therapist, in such cases I actually say: Do not do couples therapy! This is revolutionary in its own way in psychology. There one always assumed: partnership problems are communication problems. But that there is a class of relationships that simply cannot be rescued, where one should definitely not send the partners into therapy together, because it only makes things worse, that is a relatively new thought. This whole discussion about toxic relationships is also young. It is only gradually that you realize what immense damage people with narcissistic behavior patterns can cause - and that it is not just a very small minority, but that such patterns are quite widespread. Someone does not necessarily need to be diagnosed with “narcissistic personality disorder”; even strong parts are enough to develop a destructive force.
You can find the entire interview with Christian Hemschemeier in our book:
To person
Christian Hemschemeier, (born 1967), is a qualified psychologist. He has been working in his own practice since 2000. His main focus is couple therapy and marriage counseling. He has set himself the task of helping people to break away from dysfunctional relationships and to free themselves from unfavorable “loot schemes”, for example with his love chip online courses. Christian Hemschemeier posts new videos on his YouTube channel every week. He offers numerous training courses, including training as a love chip coach, and writes books “The love code. Relationships of Tomorrow ”(Luther).
"The love code: relationships of tomorrow" (Luther)
A pragmatic relationship guide that looks very closely at relationships on a day-to-day basis. The core of Hemschemeier's concept is the idea of “standards and deal breakers”: Everyone should be clear about what they want from a relationship and their partner - and where their own limits are. This attitude saves you from endless, fruitless debates and endless pondering about why your partner did - or didn't do something. If you know where your own "red line" is, you don't stay unnecessarily long in painful relationships that don't work, but can instead invest the energy in self-love and a "nais awesome" life. In the end, liking yourself and shaping your own life well is the best prerequisite, yes, the necessity for successful relationships.